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Did NOT See That Coming!

So I haven't really thought much lately about B except a little guilt twinge here and there that we never talk anymore and I do miss him (as a friend) now and again. I feel a little sad when I see pictures of his kids on FB but really I feel I'm over "us". That being said, I wasn't quite prepared to see him kissing someone else...

I am on a sand volleyball team with him and a couple other guys at work. It was a little awkward at the first game but nothing unmanagable - it was still a BLAST! (I love love love volleyball btw) So we had another game last night and as I was walking up to go inside I see a girl on her tip toes kissing a very tall guy... it was Brian!! Whoa. Ok...totally unprepared for that. Now quickly wipe the crazy shock off your face before they see you!!! Panic. Panic. Panic.

Then he sees me and (awkward) has to introduce me because she's playing on our team too (awkward)."This is D, she works at L***** too". (awkward)(awkward)(AWKWARD)!!!

I felt completely uncomfortable with the whole situation and I tried with every bone in my body and pulled out my grammy-nominated acting skills to appear NOT awkward and control the shaking I am all of a sudden now aware of. I can't believe how unprepared I was to see that and how much it shocked me! I actually kind of felt punched in the gut! I am so extremely happy where I am at and I am so thankful I'm not in that mess of a relationship anymore but... I can't help that I did love him and it's still painful to see him kissing someone else. PLUS! I didn't even know he was seeing anyone!! Not that he had to tell me or anything but I feel like a real I.D.I.O.T for feeling guilty about him hurting over me and he must really be miserable if he's not talking to me anymore... Sheesh. How self-important can I be??! I guess I know now why he's not texting and emailing me anymore...

Really I am happy he has moved on and I hope he pulls his head out of his @ss this time and really gives this girl a fair chance minus the mind games. I do care about him and I want him to be happy. I hope he is!

I know I am!! :o)

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