As our usual July 4th celebration, we went down to Hepler for the rodeo. Mom and dad were busy (as usual) and I of course didn't get to participate a lot becuase of Hudson, but it was still a great visit with my sister and her family and my brother and his family. Jake decided to spend the holiday with his mom again this year and my brother Josh was MIA. The kids had a blast playing together, doing mutin bustin, getting lots of candy at the parade, playing water games, and shooting fireworks. And of course we all enjoyed Dustin's firework display after the rodeo.
I’m having a panic attack. These stupid meds are killing me. I hate them. Stick with it, stick with it, stick with it. I know it’s the meds. I just have to get through this and relax for a couple weeks. I hate this job. It’s not even that bad it’s just HORRIBLY boring. I don’t want to do this every day. I appreciate learning the process and gaining experience but it’s not what I like to do. I don’t even like accounting that much to begin with but there are aspects I like and I know it. The pay is killing me. I need money. I can’t continue to be completely broke before the first week of the month is over. Collections calls ringing all day. I’m applying to jobs like crazy. I’m trying so hard. I’m just going to keep pushing forward. Keep. Pushing. Forward. I hate that I wanted a life with Jason. That I was too blind to realize what he was. That I was ok with him even from the very beginning when I knew better. Why didn’t I want better things for myself? Seeing him makes me want to vomit.
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