Confessions of An Evil Stepmother

There's something that's been bothering me and I gotta get it off my chest - I'm completely and utterly annoyed with j and his attitude toward J and I. He hates being with us! He constantly asks how many days he has left to stay with us and says things like "My MOM says...", "My MOM doesn't make me...", "When I'm at my GRANDMA'S...". And he walks around the house like a beaten dog. Its beyond annoying. His attitude just sucks. Because, it's not like we don't try to do fun things with him and do special things to make sure he's having fun, but he has RULES at our house. He gets into trouble when he breaks those rules and he is made to behave. And we don't constantly go do fun things because for one, J doesn't want to be "that" parent trying to buy off his kid, and for two, we can't afford to constantly take him and run around to do that stuff. And I realize, he doesn't have anyone to play with at our house, which can't be any fun. I already know what you're thinking "This is NORMAL 6 year old behavior" - BUT, I am a child of divorced parents myself and I don't remember EVER acting like this to my dad. (Mom, help me out here?) I remember spending a LOT of time by myself at my dad's when I was younger, even had to go to Reserves with him when he had to go - and spent a lot of time alone in there, with no toys or anything I was allowed to play with. Yeah it was boring for a kid sometimes, but I don't think I ever asked him "How many days till I go to my mom's?".

I know it's childish and I'm the adult and shouldn't pay attention to this sort of behavior but it INFURIATES me. I just feel like if he doesn't want to be here, I don't want him around. It sucks trying to please a kid that would rather be somewhere else.

Add on top of all that - I am HORMONAL AS HELL and have ZERO tolerance right now. Which only makes this ten times worse. I don't want to do nice things or fun things with him anymore. He doesn't appreciate them. I don't want to waste the money! We do things with him and take him to do stuff that his mom has NEVER done. It's like, why try?? And he's only SIX! How much worse is this going to get??!?

That being said, as annoyed as I get and as mad at him as I get, I try with all my might NOT to show him that I feel this way (some slips a little from time to time and when I feel like I'm going to slip, I just go in the other room). I remember what it feels like to be disliked and treated horribly for no fault of my own. And in my defense, J said he's been dealing with this from j forever and that he just misses his mom and that we have to be the adults - so it's not because I'm here that he's acting that way. How this doesn't frustrate the HELL out of J, I will never understand. And, if j is going to act this way, I don't want him around my kids making them think we are awful parents. Maybe we are going to be awful parents, but at least our kids won't know any "better"...

The sad thing is, is that he has two weeks of the summer left to stay with us, and quite frankly, I can't wait till its over. I'm a horrible human being for saying that, I know, but I just can't take the "I'm so abused, I can't wait to leave" attitude anymore. Maybe its because, I remember what it was like all the summer's at my dad's with my stepmonster and he doesn't know how good he has it... And J loves him to pieces (and, really, so do I for that matter) and I hate that he feels that way about his dad. If j only knew what J went through to be a part of his life, he wouldn't act that way.

I know, I know...he's six. All he understands is Mom = fun, Dad = not so much.

Ok, I'm horrid. I'm awful, you can say it. I'm working on it is all I can say for myself....