Here are my thoughts and opinions on introducing children in a relationship. It's complicated and tricky and it requires a lot of finesse. I am VERY serious about this topic and I have strong opinions. I think mother's that introduce there child/children to every man she's humping is inappropriate and irresponsible and ESPECIALLY those mother's who let there very young impressionable child start calling there live in boyfriend of a grand total of 8 months Daddy! Obviously I have a specific person in mind on this rant...
J has a little boy, I think I've mentioned before, and I have since that post, met him. I'm scolding myself a little because I am not 100% sure I am ready for this step (close but not totally) and I let the pressure collapse me a little earlier than I would have liked. I think I have also mentioned before that a child is not a relationship deal breaker having been a very much loved step child myself. So, this is where I am stand that subject. What I have NOT mentioned before is that J's last relationship has some carryover baggage - reminder that this relationship only lasted 8 months and according to J was out of convenience to "get him out of Marshall". SB I will call her (for Stupid B*tch) has a little boy who just turned 3 recently and during this 8 month relationship this little guy called J "Daddy". Needless to say, J is very attached to this little guy and vice versa. Fine. Much to my disappointment (and current annoyance) J still spends time with SB's little guy and he stays the night with J and j (little J - haha) and...ugh...still calls him DADDY. At first J explained it as he "wanted them to grow up together like brothers" and I was in complete disagreement with the situation but I swallowed my words and kept my mouth shut. This was none of my business. I was determined to respect J's decision on this - after all it's wasn't the little guy's fault and he had no relationship with his actual father and J is OBVIOUSLY smitten with this little guy. Ugh. I hate keeping this sort of opinion to myself but as long as there were no problems, I wouldn't be the start of one.
WELL. SB decides to voice her opinion to J by accusing him of trying to hide the little guy to make his and my relationship work (this was way back right after the float trip weekend). And I needed to "buck up" and meet j. And I stopped J before he told me too much more of what she said but he told me that wasn't all. Excuse me???? SB - you don't even KNOW me or have an F'n clue! You are a stupid, irresponsible mother and your a perfect example of why children need therapy. You are ridiculing ME for being concerned for j's well being and not wanting to get attached to him or him to me and then something happen with the relationship. She's since insisted on meeting me because that feels like the "reponsible thing to do as a parent". No f&*king way! And when J said absolutely not and that I didn't want to either because of what she said, she decided to tell him to let me know she was sorry (oh how right you are). If I come into screaming distance of this retard, there will be words and they won't be "Hello nice to meet you". There have been other comments since like "So you would choose her over him?" and "But you never took me to do those things??". The answer is HELL YES he would choose me over him. And he didn't take you anywhere because he was embarassed to be seen with your ugly @ss! Ok, I'm being extremely mean at this point but the plain and simple fact of this matter is:
J IS NOT THAT BOY'S FATHER AND HAS ABSOLUTELY ZERO, NONE, ZIP, ZILCH, NADA RESPONSIBLITY TO THAT SB OR HER SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She should be kissing his @ss every mintue that he spends a second with that boy because I think that is very wonderful of him to put up with her crap and take time to spend with him and keep him a part of his life!
You want to know my honest opinion on the matter. She knows how J feels about this little guy and she still wants to be a part of J's life so she's using her son to create drama and make J feel guilty about things. Which I think he does in the little guy's case. My solution to drama retards like this one is to cut them out of your life. I have no place in mine for that crap and it's disappointing that he does... He and I don't see eye to eye on this matter and have gotten into a tense discussion about it this past weekend because she was pulling her crap. It will not continue because I will pull the plug on one or the other: SB's son's relationship with J or mine. And I really, really hate that I'm being put in this situation at all - I think MOST girlfriends would have zero tolerance for this sort of thing...
Stupid, dramatic people infuriate me!! U-G-H!!!
J has a little boy, I think I've mentioned before, and I have since that post, met him. I'm scolding myself a little because I am not 100% sure I am ready for this step (close but not totally) and I let the pressure collapse me a little earlier than I would have liked. I think I have also mentioned before that a child is not a relationship deal breaker having been a very much loved step child myself. So, this is where I am stand that subject. What I have NOT mentioned before is that J's last relationship has some carryover baggage - reminder that this relationship only lasted 8 months and according to J was out of convenience to "get him out of Marshall". SB I will call her (for Stupid B*tch) has a little boy who just turned 3 recently and during this 8 month relationship this little guy called J "Daddy". Needless to say, J is very attached to this little guy and vice versa. Fine. Much to my disappointment (and current annoyance) J still spends time with SB's little guy and he stays the night with J and j (little J - haha) and...ugh...still calls him DADDY. At first J explained it as he "wanted them to grow up together like brothers" and I was in complete disagreement with the situation but I swallowed my words and kept my mouth shut. This was none of my business. I was determined to respect J's decision on this - after all it's wasn't the little guy's fault and he had no relationship with his actual father and J is OBVIOUSLY smitten with this little guy. Ugh. I hate keeping this sort of opinion to myself but as long as there were no problems, I wouldn't be the start of one.
WELL. SB decides to voice her opinion to J by accusing him of trying to hide the little guy to make his and my relationship work (this was way back right after the float trip weekend). And I needed to "buck up" and meet j. And I stopped J before he told me too much more of what she said but he told me that wasn't all. Excuse me???? SB - you don't even KNOW me or have an F'n clue! You are a stupid, irresponsible mother and your a perfect example of why children need therapy. You are ridiculing ME for being concerned for j's well being and not wanting to get attached to him or him to me and then something happen with the relationship. She's since insisted on meeting me because that feels like the "reponsible thing to do as a parent". No f&*king way! And when J said absolutely not and that I didn't want to either because of what she said, she decided to tell him to let me know she was sorry (oh how right you are). If I come into screaming distance of this retard, there will be words and they won't be "Hello nice to meet you". There have been other comments since like "So you would choose her over him?" and "But you never took me to do those things??". The answer is HELL YES he would choose me over him. And he didn't take you anywhere because he was embarassed to be seen with your ugly @ss! Ok, I'm being extremely mean at this point but the plain and simple fact of this matter is:
J IS NOT THAT BOY'S FATHER AND HAS ABSOLUTELY ZERO, NONE, ZIP, ZILCH, NADA RESPONSIBLITY TO THAT SB OR HER SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She should be kissing his @ss every mintue that he spends a second with that boy because I think that is very wonderful of him to put up with her crap and take time to spend with him and keep him a part of his life!
You want to know my honest opinion on the matter. She knows how J feels about this little guy and she still wants to be a part of J's life so she's using her son to create drama and make J feel guilty about things. Which I think he does in the little guy's case. My solution to drama retards like this one is to cut them out of your life. I have no place in mine for that crap and it's disappointing that he does... He and I don't see eye to eye on this matter and have gotten into a tense discussion about it this past weekend because she was pulling her crap. It will not continue because I will pull the plug on one or the other: SB's son's relationship with J or mine. And I really, really hate that I'm being put in this situation at all - I think MOST girlfriends would have zero tolerance for this sort of thing...
Stupid, dramatic people infuriate me!! U-G-H!!!
Comments
I don't know if it's fair to the little boy to make J choose. Obviously I don't have all the facts, and maybe that would change my mind, but I'm not sure...
Love you, though, and I'm sorry you have to deal with crap you don't want to. :(
Love you too <3