Sugar & Dirt

I read this blog post today and it made me smile. That's so me and how I feel about having a boy. And I'm not feeling this in a negative way at all. Just that I never thought of myself as a mother to a son. I always pictured a little girl with ribbons and bows and tea parties with Barbie dolls. I don't know why, just the way I pictured it...until I found out I was having a boy.

Now I picture a little man wiping his boogers on my shirt with an ornery grin on his face (much like some other little man I know). Running around like a little heathen chasing Gemma around up and down the stairs with oreo cookie crumbs all over his face. Slobbery kisses and sticky hugs. And I can already smell that little boy smell; it reminds me of sugar and dirt. My son - my little momma's boy. I know he will be too. Oh, he'll be much too much like his daddy: ornery as hell, too handsome for his own good, competitive in everything he does, and walking around with a huge chunk of my heart in his hands. But, he'll be my little man. Forever and always. Its crazy how much you can already love someone without meeting them yet. And I never realized how much I wanted a son until I found out of I was having one.

Someday maybe he'll read this and, of course, he'll act like he doesn't care but I'll make him read it anyway. I hope he knows that no matter what I loved him more than anything in this world, from the moment I saw his little face on the sonogram and she told us "It's a Boy". And, I already know, I'll never stop loving him no matter what. Wherever he goes, whoever he turns out to be, whatever he grows up to be - I'll always love him.

I haven't written a sappy post yet about my baby boy, so I just wanted to make a note of how I feel at this moment in my life - about to have my first baby. I don't think there are words for how I feel at this point, with the light so clear at the end of the tunnel: excited, scared, anxious, exhausted, nervous, uncomfortable, worried, emotional, brave, confident and unsure...all at the same time.

I can't wait to meet my sweet, handsome baby boy and hold him for the first time.