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Ramblings of a Panic Attack

I’m having a panic attack. These stupid meds are killing me. I hate them. Stick with it, stick with it, stick with it. I know it’s the meds. I just have to get through this and relax for a couple weeks. I hate this job. It’s not even that bad it’s just HORRIBLY boring. I don’t want to do this every day. I appreciate learning the process and gaining experience but it’s not what I like to do. I don’t even like accounting that much to begin with but there are aspects I like and I know it. The pay is killing me. I need money. I can’t continue to be completely broke before the first week of the month is over. Collections calls ringing all day. I’m applying to jobs like crazy. I’m trying so hard. I’m just going to keep pushing forward. Keep. Pushing. Forward. I hate that I wanted a life with Jason. That I was too blind to realize what he was. That I was ok with him even from the very beginning when I knew better. Why didn’t I want better things for myself? Seeing him makes me want to vomit.
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Tersinar Christmas 2015

After graduation, we raced down to Hepler to spend Christmas with my family and mom and dad's. We ordered chicken for dinner (of course - yum yum!) and we had some of the traditional Christmas goodies too, like pie and Grandma Sonja's cinnamon apples, French cookies and cheese ball.  Hudson made the rounds with everyone :) Uncle Dustin is the best to play with After dinner and some visiting, it was time to open presents! The loot! Kids first of course. The anarchy! Hudson among the shreds of wrapping paper Big kids' turn! Opening my Royals blanket <3 I LOVE IT! Thanks Jen :) I got Grandma's name again :) Hudson helped play Santa Mom loved her gift from Heather - a frame with all our family's pictures in it. Jason's gift from Raymond. The kiddos watched a movie or two after we were finished opening gifts.  Later after everyone left, mom, dad and us siblings (minus josh) played Cards Against Humanity... HILARIOUS. Haven't laughed that hard in a very long ti
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Jason's Graduation: Part II

Dr. Allen, DC 4/5 of our marriage has been spent working towards this day. To say we are excited would be a great understatement. I can't even put into words how excited/happy/scared/proud/relieved, etc, etc, etc we are. There just are no words. Jason has worked tirelessly towards this goal. Countless hours of studying. Sacrificing time with me and the kids. And all the work he put in advertising and recruiting patients into the clinic. Personal training early mornings and late nights to help makes ends meet.  And I think of all the sacrifice we've made as a family. Living in a townhouse and then a tiny apartment. I've been the primary provider and a mostly single parent during some stages. And a constant cheerleader and standing behind pushing. We've both been pushing uphill for what seems like forever towards this goal. And we've made it. Not to discount his hard work, because he was the one who really accomplished this goal but I like to think we accomplished thi
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Jason's Graduation: Part I

We drove to KC a couple days before Jason's graduation (Wed) since we had Jason's presidents dinner the night before. I love the big windmills in Oklahoma.  We made it into KC fairly late and got to our hotel The Great Wolf Lodge. The keys weren't in the packet when we got up to the room so daddy ran back down to get them while we waited in the hall. Brazos looks way too old throwin up the dueces in this pic... Daddy and Brazos trying on their wolf ears.  Brudders Hudson was very happy to be free of his car seat! Daddy took the boys to check out the hotel and get some energy out before bed while Hudson and I settled in. Everything was decorated for Christmas and was so beautiful! The next day I went into the office to work so daddy was at the hotel with the boys for the day, waiting on Mimi and Popo. They went to the restaurant downstairs for breakfast.  Probably the sweetest picture of those wolf ears you'll ever see in your life. <3 Thursday night, Jason and I went
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Christmas Parade 2015

After church, the boys and I went to the Christmas parade with the Cox's. It was very warm and sunny out which was nice but didn't feel very "Christmas-y".  Eating pizza before the parade Cheese pizza. Yum! Hudson hanging in the shade away from the bright sun! All the kids love to hold "Bucket" and carry him around. Marcos helping keep "Bucket" from running off Brazos and Katlyn It's so loud! Grayson & Jaxon Ashli getting some Hudson love  Grayson "helping" Beckett wave Sweet boy <3 Getting tired Frozen float We had fun but it was a little too warm and we were at the end so the kids didn't really get any candy. We left before it was over to avoid traffic and the boys crashed in the way home.
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